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 Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...

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Bianca P
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PostSubject: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:36 pm

I had no idea what was wrong with me. When I gave birth to Davis and Mabel, I had been so sure that Davis wasn't mine, or even Jackson's for that matter. Well, not when I gave birth, because I can't remember that. I had passed out and they had to do an emergency C-Section. I didn't see the twins until they were almost a day old. But when they brought them into the room with me and laid them in my arms, I couldn't see any of myself or even Jackie for that matter in Davis at all. He was his son. Wasn't he supposed to look like Jackson in some way? Or at least someone in our families, but he didn't look like anyone.

As he grew up, I did my best to look past that and I even began to see things that reminded me of myself or Jackson, but now, I'm sure it had been just my wishful thinking to begin with. Because I just found out today, TODAY, a mere 4 days before Davis and Mabel's birthday that Davis really isn't mine or Jackson's at all. I was notified by certified mail at the school that the little boy my husband and I had raised as our own, as Mabel's twin brother, was none of the above.

I walked into my classroom just off the school auditorium and sat down at my desk to read the letter. Dr. Mrs. Frost: It has come to our attention that a terrible mistake had occurred at our hospital on the day of your children's birth... I read the rest of the letter, my head spinning as I did. Davis wasn't ours at all. A nurse had accidentally switched him and another baby boy at the time they were born and no one really knew. It wasn't until just recently that the nurse realized what she had done. The necessary measures have been taken against the nurse, an she is no longer a member of our staff.

I folded up the letter and looked at the picture of the four of us on my desk. I hadn't been able to have children since then. Something had happened while I was in labor, the very thing that had caused me to pass out, and I was no longer able to have children again. “You can still become pregnant,” I remember the doctor telling me, “but I wouldn't recommend it. You would be putting both yourself and the baby at risk.” Jackie and I had to be lucky that we had had both a boy and a girl the first time. Jackson had been upset, but he said there was no way we were going to risk my life just to have another child.

The last few hours of school went by so slowly. I could have gone and spoken to Jackson at any time, but he didn't need to stress over this like I had during the last two class periods. But as soon as I dismissed my last class, I took the letter with me and headed to the gym. I knew he'd be in his office, and when I walked into the locker room, there he was, sitting at his desk as I expected. Knocking on the door frame, I gave him a soft smile as he looked up at me. “Have a minute?” I asked him, walking into the office and around his desk to lean against it as he sat back in his chair to look up at me.

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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:38 pm

I had a gut wrenching feeling all afternoon, but I had no idea why. There was something gnawing at me, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why or what it was. Lunch had been good. Binx and I had had left overs from the night before that she had packed and brought for us today, so I knew it hadn't been what I had eaten that was making my stomach feel like it was spinning like after getting off a carnival ride. Not that I disliked that feeling when it actually came from that, but I hadn't been to a carnival in months, and I wasn't enjoying this feeling.

I had run laps with the guys during each of the last few classes so I didn't focus on my gut. But it hadn't helped. I took a shower when the shower bell in the last hour rang and put my slacks and shirt back on. I had changed into my gym clothes for my afternoon classes, but it felt good to be back in clean clothing. I tossed my clothes back in my gym bag to take them home with me so Binx could wash them and headed into my office while the guys finished getting dressed.

The last bell rang and the guys bolted out of the locker room, leaving me a lone. Binx probably had something to do with the play she was working on this quarter, so I was sure I had plenty of time to catch up on the basketball scores. I didn't always watch when I was home with her, because I knew she didn't like to watch sports on television. She rathered watching games in stadiums or at the ballpark, not on the television. It just wasn't the same, and I didn't blame her, especially when I got loud watching the shows and the kids were asleep.

I heard a knock at the door and looked up to see my beautiful wife standing in the doorway. “Have a minute?” I nodded my head, smiling up at her. “For you, of course I do.” She walked into the room and around my desk, leaning against it. I leaned back in my chair, looking up at her. She seemed worried and my smile faded. “What is it, honey?” She looked down at the folded up piece of paper in her hands before looking back up at me.

Standing, I placed my hand on hers, kissing her forehead. “Hold on a moment,” I whispered before walking around her and shutting the door and locking it. Coming back in front of her, I placed my hands on her arms, looking down into her eyes. “What is it, Bianca? You look like you want to cry.” I never could handle her tears. I closed up when she cried. If she was going to cry right now, I didn't know what I'd do.
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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:14 pm

I looked up at Jackie, ready to burst into tears. How was I supposed to tell him that his son, the boy we have been raising for six years, isn't really his son. I had told him that I didn't think he was our son when he was born, and he said I had post pardom depression. The doctor even agreed with him. But I hadn't been wrong. I hate that I was wrong, but being wrong meant that our son was out there somewhere in the world, well, not somewhere. He was in New England, and he was being raised by strangers. Well, they weren't strangers to him, but the were certainly strangers to us.

"All those times," I told him, swallowing hard, "I used to tell you that Davis wasn't ours..." I shook my head, quivering slightly. "I wasn't wrong." I held up the letter. "There was a mixup at the hospital. Those things don't just happen in movies, Jackie. They happen for reals, and it happened to us. Davis isn't our son. Our son is with some people named," I opened the letter and read the names to him, "Dante and Abigail Castellano." I looked back up at him, handing him the letter. "Just because I was right, doesn't mean that I don't love Davis, I do, but our son, the boy I really gave birth to is out there," I said, lifting my hand, flinging it off in a random direction, "being raised by strangers. We have to go get him, Jackie! We have to!"

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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:27 pm

I couldn't believe we were back to this. God, it had almost been five years since I'd heard her say anything along the lines of Davis not being our son. I couldn't believe that after all this time, she was back on this subject, but when she handed me the letter and I red over it, seeing for myself in black and white print, I couldn't believe it anymore. She was right, this shit doesn't just happen in the movies. But that doesn't mean it's happened to us. This letter had to be a bogus, even if it was printed on a legal hospital letterhead. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"This has got to be someone's idea of a sick joke," I said, looking down at her after finishing reading the letter. I could see that she thought I thought she was just being paranoid again, but it wasn't paranoia when she came to me with something legitimate. "So, what do we do? We contact these Castellano's and tell them we'd like to meet them so we can have our son back and they can have there's?" The letter said that the Castellano's had also been notified, so it wouldn't be a shock to them for us to call them. "I don't know about you, but just because a piece of paper says that Davis isn't our son, doesn't mean he's not our son."
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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:57 pm

"I love Davis, Jackie! You know I do!" I told him as if I had to remind him, as if I had to convince him. I did love Davis, just as much as I loved Mabel, despite how I had felt when he was a baby. I hated knowing I was actually right, but what I had felt had been founded, even if we didn't know why. But now we did know why, and it didn't make me feel better to know I had been right.

"But do you just want to let the child that came from the child we never knew grow up without his parents. I don't know about you," I said, placing my hand over my heart, "but I just can't do that, Jackie. No matter how much we love Davis. And I think he deserves to know who his birth parents are, don't you? No matter what the four of us decide to do later." I really didn't know what kind of a solution could be made for this problem, if any, but we had to at least make an effort somehow.

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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:21 pm

"I'm going to call them," I told her. She was right, as much as I was sure this was still someone's cruel joke, we had to figure it out. I pulled my phone from my pocket, dialing information. "Business or residential?" The voice asked once the call was connected. "Residential," I responded. "City and state, please." I looked at the letter again and responded, "Buffalo, New York." The voice then asked, "Name, please?" I replied, "Dante and Abigail Castellano."

The system beeped a few times. "The cellular telephone number for Abigail Castellano is 716-207-3959." I put the paper down on the desk and quickly grabbed a pen, writing down the number. "The cellular telephone number for Dante Castellano is 716-297-5728." I wrote down the other number and hung up the phone. "I guess I'll try Mr. Castellano first?" She nodded and I dialed his number, putting the phone up to my ear, waiting for an answer.
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PostSubject: Re: Maybe I'm not a terrible mother...   Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:43 pm

Jackie slid his phone back in his pocket and I looked up at him. "Everything set then?" He nodded down to me. "Let's go home and pack. I'll call Pops and see if he can send his jet out for us." I nodded. I really didn't like using his father's money, but a last minute flight to New York would be horrendous, and it's not like we were rolling in money. Jackie grabbed his bag and wrapped his arm around my waist and we left by way of the auditorium so I could grab my bag. Jackson always parked the 'Stang in the parking lot outside my classroom, so we always left through the back door of the auditorium. We had a lot of things to do before we left tomorrow. Just to think, I'd meet my baby boy in less than 24 hours.

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