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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:02 pm

Abigail muttered something and walked past me, heading over to where Jeff had joined Dante and Bianca. I tried to listen as she yelled at him, loving it, but feeling horrible for Abigail at the same time. I was listening the best I could, considering people were shuffling about, causing more static than necessary, when Pops placed his hand on my shoulder. "We'll see you at the cemetery, son." I nodded at Pops and he and Momma and Auntie Tammy walked over to the group just as Abigail was tailing it out of the church. I ran after her. There was no way I was going to let her be alone right now. I came out the front door of the church and found her standing there, with all of the fucking cameramen flashing their bulbs like they were going out of style. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her back into the church. She didn't need to deal with their shit right now, not when she was falling apart the way she was. I pulled her into the room that brides use when they're getting ready before their wedding. I locked the door and pulled her to sit on my lap on the huge chair in the corner nearest the door. "Just let it out, baby. Let it out." I kissed her forehead and held onto her tightly. My hand laid on her stomach and I could feel my baby girl moving inside her. But I wasn't going to say a word. Not until Abigail felt like she could talk.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:10 pm

I stood feeling even worse than I did before Abigail came over and chastised me for the decision I made, so she could be happy. Pops and Tammy and Chelle had said their goodbyes to me before she came over, but I couldn't even remember what either of us had said. I knew I had made the right choice, but she couldn't see that I only wanted what was best for her. Turning back to Dante, I tried to regain my composure. "It is best if I go." Nothing else needed to be said about it. I gave Bianca another hug and turned back to Dante, hugging him tightly. "Ti amo, fratello." He was my brother, as much as Giada was my sister, and I did love him like I loved her. I even loved Jackson the same way, despite things. I nodded to Kylie's mother. "I am sorry for your loss, Signora Forbes." She smiled, nodding. "Thank you." I nodded again and looked back to Dante and Bianca for a moment before taking a deep breath and telling them, "Ciao," before leaving the way I had come in.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:18 pm

I knew what was going on had nothing to do with Kylie, and I knew it was best if I didn't fly off the handle at all of them. I didn't have the strength to do it. After we were left a lone, I looked over to Dante and Miss Parisi. "I should apologize for everything I've said. Today and earlier this week." There were things I said about Dante to Kylie long before I ever met him, but he didn't need to know about them. "I'm sorry to you too, Miss Parisi. If Dante says he trusts that you didn't harm my daughter in anyway, because I know he knows you wouldn't have hurt his son, then I believe that you are innocent as well. If the prosecution calls me to testify, I will not. I can tell that you would not do a thing like that. I am sorry. Both of you. I'm sorry for everything." I looked back at Dante. "And I'm sorry for your loss. I know you loved Kylie's baby..." I took a deep breath. "Even if I could never accept him, I know you loved him and I'm sorry."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:22 pm

I slightly whispered, placing my other hand over Dante's as he held mine, "Thank you, Miss Forbes." I didn't know what else to say. Dante could say what really needed to be said.

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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:56 pm

I sat quietly watching as Abigail tore into poor Jeff. I wasn't sure exactly why but I suppose she had her reasons, even if she could have left it alone till after the funeral. "Thanks for coming, Jeff. Call me later." I said, giving his back a tap as we hugged. He left in a hurry and I turned to Danica who knocked me off my feet.. "Thank you.. but.. there's no need to apologize to me. I wasn't exactly very nice either. So I'm sorry too even if I don't need the apology.. I am sorry and if it means anything I really cared about your daughter.. I didn't love her like she deserved but I cared.. and I want you to know I'd like you to visit DJ sometimes.. I'd love for him to get to know his brother's grandma.." I took in a deep breath and looked around for Abby and Jackson. "I guess they left? We can meet them there?"
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:07 am

I could barely think before me and Jackson were alone and he was holding me. Something I need so badly I couldn't see myself even try and fight it. I needed it so badly. I hugged his neck as his hand moved over my stomach. The act of his hand against my stomach was calming not only me but Audrey too. I cried for a while, letting go of all the pain I felt settling on my heart. It took a while but I finally was able to lift my head off his shoulder and wipe at my wet face. "I'm sorry." I said whimpering, trying to settle myself some. "These damn hormones make me a wreck. I.. just.." I hiccuped some, brought on by crying so heavily. "really hate how my life is turned.. I'm not happy.. nothing makes me happy, not even my music." I turned my face down. "Don't look at my face.. I'm probably a wreck."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:20 am

I lifted her face with my hand under her chin and shook my head. "You're not a wreck, baby." I brushed her hair back from her face. "You're the most beautiful woman ever." I leaned forward, brushing my lips across hers, not really kissing her, but just letting my lips feel hers. "Please give me another chance, baby. Give us another chance. I'm not whole with out you. We're not complete unless we're together."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:33 am

I blinked when Dante said that I could come see his other son... His son with Miss Parisi. I hadn't even let myself want to be a grandparent, but a part of me felt like I owed it to Jacob's brother to spend time with him. Dante offered for us to just go and not wait for the others, and since he suggested it, I thought it would be alright. "They probably left without us?"
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:48 am

I was worried about A. I knew that she was torn between loving Jackson and Freddie, and I knew that what had just gone on with her and Freddie, she was devastated. I wanted to go after her, but Jackson had run after her before Jeff left and I knew if they were going to get back together, I had to let them have their time together. I wanted them to be back together as much as I did Dante and me. And now that Dante and me were back together, they just need to follow our example. If we could get over what had happened between us, I knew they could as well. I looked up at Dante, nodding. "They need to be alone right now," I whispered softly. "We can go."

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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:55 am

"You're right.." I said, smiling slightly. I guess at least one good thing came out of this terrible day. Hopefully they were taking the plunge and fixing things like me and Bianca hand. "Okay, ladies, let's go." I said, taking both of their hands. The church was empty by now and it was easy to get out the door. I walked down the steps with both. "Ignore them.." I told them, walking over to the limo waiting for us. I let the girls get in before getting in behind them and telling the limo to go.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:59 am

I sighed, pulling my head away from his grasp. "Jackson why do you have to ruin this moment.." I slid off his lap, standing up straight and stretching my back some, rubbing my back a little. "I don't wanna fight about this again. How many times do I have to say the same thing over and over again before you get I'm not changing my mind?" I sighed, walking over to the door. "This was a bad idea.. thank you for your help.."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:05 am

I ran over to the door to stop her. "No, baby. Not this time. I'm not walking away and I'm not letting you walk away. Did NOTHING in that chapel right now mean ANYTHING to you? I mean, for the love of Christ, you hugged my brother! A guy you can barely tolerate on most days! And I am sure it was because of you, and your loving spirit that made him want to go and sit with Kylie's mother." I shook my head, leaning closer in toward her. "Did this day in and of itself not scream 'life is too precious, don't waste it!' I know it did to me! I can't live my life without you, and I know you don't want to live your life without me either." I lifted my hand, wiping her face of what was left of her tears. "Give us another chance, baby. I meant what I said the day we got married. This is for Always and Forever, baby! Always will be."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:09 am

I had had just enough of the media the last few days, so ignoring them wasn't a problem, even if I'd want to toss some of them on their ass. I climbed into the limo ahead of both of them and sat back against the seat across from them. I didn't want to face forward. I didn't want to be able to see the hearse carrying my daughter, or the one carrying my grandson. "Is there any chance they won't be at the funeral?" I asked about the media. I didn't want them there. It was bad enough they were camped outside the service.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:13 am

"Because of the publicity around all of this, there will be police there. None of the media is allowed inside the cemetery grounds." I told her. It had been what Dante had told me anyway. I turned to look at Dante. "Right?"

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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:21 am

I nodded. "Right. I spoke with the cemetery and they assured me that the police would make sure nobody gets in that's not suppose to be there. They even have a list of people coming to make sure nobody sneaks in. Guests will be searched. I hate it, but they will be, make sure they don't have anything on them and they'll be asked to leave their phones in the car. I made sure this was as private as possible. The police also said they'd make sure they didn't come within a few blocks of the cemetery." I took Bianca's hand, kissing the top of it and letting it rest in my hand. "This will be private. I promise."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:28 am

I sighed heavily. "I wish I was faster." I mumbled under my breath. Sadly that wasn't happening, not till Audrey was out of her mother, because I could barely walk let alone run. I listened to him go on and found my strength slipping. I was so sick of fighting. With him. With how I felt.... I just wanted the fighting to stop. "And when we do get back together because life is too short and end up hurting each other, again, then what? We go right back to where we were a month ago. Me hating you for being an ass.. you thinking I'm a lying cheating whore and claiming whatever new kids we have aren't yours. I don't want to do that again. I can't. Being alone is easier. You don't get hurt when you're alone... it's easier just to be mom and dad to our babies."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:36 am

"All I've done while we've been apart is hurt!" I told her flat out. "But I can promise you things will be better when we get back together, and it won't fuck up again. I can promise you that because I will make sure of it." Shaking my head, I tucked her hair behind her ear. "I was an ass of epic proportions. I would never have said all that shit had I been sober, and I know that. I didn't mean any of it. I hate myself for the things I said to you, but I will never let any of that happen again. "I'm going to go to AA meetings. I'm going to accept that I may have a problem and get help for it. Because our marriage, our love is too important to let go." I took her hand and placed it over my heart. "I need you in my life, baby. And I know you need me in yours."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:47 am

I smiled at the two of them, not only because they assured me those assholes wouldn't be there, but because they were adorable. I felt bad for things that had happened between them. I could tell they were meant to be together, even if my daughter was sure she was in love with him. He was right. She deserved someone to love her the way she deserved to be loved, and watching the two of them, I was reconfirmed in what I thought when she told me she was going to be with him. "Thank you, Dante. I appreciate all you've done for today. I wouldn't have been able to do as well as you." I couldn't understand where all this appreciation crap was coming from, and it wasn't really crap, but I was feeling it and the words were flowing from my mouth like a faucet.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:50 am

I crossed one leg over the other toward him, scooting a little closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I knew all three of us didn't want the paparazzi anywhere near the cemetery, and I was glad things were taken care of. "Good," I whispered, closing my eyes, ready for this day to be over. I wanted to go home and lay in our bed with DJ and just be grateful for the things that we have and the love we have as a family.

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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:58 am

"You're welcome, Danica. I wanted the best. Not only for my son but for his mother." I said sliding my arm around Bianca's back. "I also, I guess, in a way wanted something perfect for you. Even if you hated my guts there for a second. Not that I blame you. I'd hate me if I was in your shoes, honestly."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:05 am

I kept my eyes on his hand in mine on his chest. I had heard everything he said. But nothing hit me like him admitting he needed help. I mean not that he was a raging drunk.. but he did need help and he was willing to do it just to get me back. I slowly turned my eyes back up to him, taking in a sharp breath. "Okay, if I say yes, and that's a big if I want to fix what is wrong with both of us. Not just you... so I want to go to a marriage counselor. I want to talk out our issues and get to the root of the problem. And then maybe I'll reconsider the divorce.. okay?" I took in a deep breath, staring up at him, stepping slightly closer so I could feel his body against mine. "Because I do love you.. and even if I'm scared we need to find a way to fix what's wrong.. at leas before we totally give up.." I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into but I guess I was trying.. even if the idea of it scared me to death.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:54 pm

There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for this woman. She was my heart and my soul. She was my reason for living. She was everything to me. So when she said she wanted to go to counseling, I knew it was something I could agree to. I wanted my life back. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to get her back. "Ok," I said, wrapping my arms around her slowly as she stepped against me. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I want my life back. I want you back. All three of you underneath one roof with me. We can go to counseling. I can make a few calls and see how soon we can get into one. I want to do this for you. I want to do this for us. For our future. Just come home to me. Check out of the hotel and come home to me. Please."
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:09 pm

I smiled across the car at him. "It was always Kylie and me. And I didn't want to see her throw herself away on you, especially considering I knew you two were together. She was so determined to have her baby's father with her, she wouldn't stop at anything to have that. She never had her own father, and I guess that was a whole lot of her drive. I am sorry for any of the heartache she caused you. I didn't want you with her. But I am sure you would have been an excellent father for her child. I see the love you show, and he would have been loved, even if you didn't love my daughter." I wasn't trying to make him feel bad. I probably wasn't explaining exactly how I feel or how I'd want Kylie to feel, but I hoped he knew I was sincere.
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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:13 pm

I opened my eyes to look over at Danica and saw we were pulling into the cemetery. I sat up a little, but didn't move from Dante's arm. I needed to feel his touch. It was all I ever needed. I needed to feel him beside me. Just to know he was there. Just to get strength from him. I looked up at him, taking a deep breath. "Are you ready for this?" I asked, barely in a whisper.

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PostSubject: Re: This doesn't have to be harder than it already is   Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:57 pm

I looked up at him. "Would that make you happy?" I asked, fidgeting with his tie, turning my eyes back to the black material. "Would me coming home really make us happy? Because I don't know.. I think we should see the doctor first. Talk out our problems and then I could come home.. I don't wanna rush this. It doesn't need to be rushed."
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