Me and my bro

I unlocked the door and opened it for him before walking around and unlocking my door and sliding in. Starting the engine, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward Pops' place. "Did you want to go home afterward? Or did you maybe want to go out to eat? Applebees? Maybe go down to the beach? Eat at that beach side hut? Your choice. We could take the boys to Disneyland. Whatever you want."

"I'd rather go home, order a pizza and watch a game or something. If we go outside my house, people will stare and reporters will follow and I don't want that for DJ and I don't feel like running around anyways." Not without Bianca. I didn't want to do anything fun but DJ deserved some sort of fun.

I nodded my head. "Pizza sounds good. We'll crack open a few beers and enjoy a good game." I turned toward the hills, heading toward Pops' place. I really wanted to get him out, but I wasn't going to force him into anything.

"Yeah..." I said, staring out the window before glancing over at him. "DJ's been okay, right?"

I nodded my head, looking over at my brother, coming up to a stop light. "Yeah. I wanted to tell him that you and Bianca went on vacation," which was something that even I found surprising, because I hated lying, "but Pops insisted that we not keep anything from him. So we told him you and Bianca were in jail because the cops made a mistake and Grandpa Steven was doing all he could to get you out. I hope you're cool with that."

"Yeah, I'm glad you didn't lie to him. Because kids are cruel and would probably tell him at school and he'd hate us all for lying to him.. he's a smart kid.. just like me and his momma." I shifted, flipping the radio on when I felt uncomfortable, my eyes burning with tears. "The next song up is from Abigail Samms-Frost, a song she co-wrote with her sister before the incident... I guess the song says more then her court room case ever could... A Little Bit Stronger." I winced, my eyes red as I stared at the clock radio and the song started. How could someone joke so casually about something like that? I turned the radio up as Abby's voice came on, trying to listen closely.. the words started slicing at me like a knife... I was part of the reason she wrote them. I felt sick.. I turned up the music more, staring at the radio more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4f3c8wC8Qs

I couldn't believe he turned it up. Of course I never turned off Abigail's songs. I'd sit in the car if I got to my destination, just to listen to the song finish, even if it was a song I'd heard before. A car honked at me and I realized the light was green, driving through. I really let the lyrics set in, swallowing hard. I hated thinking that for a moment she could get stronger without me. I knew I would never get over her, and I was sure she'd never get over me. There was no way either of us would ever be ok without the other. It was something I knew, and I knew she knew it too. I knew she just had to write this song to get through her weakest days. I knew my wife.

I slammed my fist against the dashboard, over and over again till I couldn't breathe. I knew all of this was my fault. Every last second. If I had kept my stupid ass cock in my pants, we'd never had met Kylie, we would have never broken up over her being pregnant. Kylie wouldn't be dead and Bianca wouldn't be in jail. I slammed my fists harder till I fell against the dashboard, crying. I didn't even care how weak I looked or felt. There was only so much pain a man could take before he felt like he was drowning... and I was drowning and no amount of alcohol would fix it. Noting but Bianca coming home for good with no heat on her back would fix it. We had a baby coming that not be mine, a dead affair and a dead son we'd never know.. this was all my fault. All of it.. and her.. being stronger without me is really what hit me.. God, she deserved so much more.. she wouldn't be here if this wasn't for me.

I turned toward Pops's place, turning the radio down before pulling over to the side of the road just before the gate. Looking over at him, I lifted my hand and placed it on my brother's back. "Look, I'm not going to tell you not to try to kill my car, ok. I mean, she can take a few good punches. But I don't think it's a good idea for you to go into the house to get your son like this." I was sure he needed a moment to collect himself. I knew he wanted to see his boy. I didn't blame him, but I was also sure he didn't want his son to see him like this. "So, we'll go in when you're ready."

"Thanks," I mumbled through thick tears, trying to suck them back so I could see DJ. "Okay.. go ahead. I'm okay. Promise." I wiped my face dry and flexed my throbbing fingers. "Just go. I gotta see him.."

There were few people in this world that I would bend over backward for. My brother was definitely one of them. I understood him, more than most people did. I always had. There was something that connected us that ran far deeper than brotherhood. I pulled the car forward and Ringo at the gate let us through. I pulled the car down the drive and parked in front of the house. "Come on. Let's go get our boys."

I nodded, taking a few deep breaths as we pulled up to Pop's place and parked. The front door opened and the boys were running down the big steps with Pops, Momma and Auntie Chelle coming behind them. I got out of Jackson's car, smiling brightly when DJ made a bee line straight for me. I wrapped my arms tight around him as he leapt up into my arms. I kissed him all over, smiling brightly as I held him. "I missed you, buddy!" He hugged my neck tightly. "I missed you, Pops!!!"

I leaned over, lifting JJ up into my arms, hugging him tightly as I looked over at my brother with his son. "Did the stupid pigs finally realize their mistake and let you and Mama go, Pops?" I turned my head back to look at my own son, swallowing before looking up at Pops, Momma, and Auntie Tammy walking over closer to them. Pops placed his hand on Dante's back, pulling him and DJ into his arms to hug them. Pops had only been in jail once in his whole life, despite his profession, but he knew what it felt like to be locked up and to be released. He knew what Dante was going through. "Pops, is Uncle D gonna move in with us too?" I shook my head. "I don't think he's going to move in, buddy, but we are going to be spending a lot of time with him." He jumped, celebrating in my arms. "Goood! DJ's not going to be leaving!!" I laughed, shaking my head, looking over at my brother and our parents.

"They let me go, buddy. Not mama yet." I said, rubbing his back. "Well that blows." I nodded. "I know." I smiled at Pops, nodding my head at him. Mom came over, hugging me tightly and kissing my cheek, saying something I barely heard before Auntie Chelle did the same. "I miss mama. Will she be home soon?" I smiled. "I hope so, buddy. I really do." I'd tell him later what his mama said in private so he was able to enjoy it by himself. I looked at my parents. "Thank you all. For helping with taking care of DJ."

"Oh, you know it's no problem," Pops told Dante, messing up DJ's hair. "This little varmint aint no trouble." DJ pushed Pops' hand away and growled at him. "Gandpops! Don't touch the hair!" I laughed, turning to look back at JJ. "So, you wanna go home and order some pizza and watch a game on the tv?" JJ nodded excitedly! "DJ and Uncle D too???" I nodded my head, smiling. "DJ and Uncle D too."

"Of course we're coming!" DJ said laughing. "Okay, pops, mom.. Auntie Chelle, I'll be back to visit tomorrow, I'm exhausted." Mom stepped up. "We understand, baby. Take your baby home and rest. We love you." Auntie Chelle agreed and I gave them both a hug before stopping on pops and giving him one.

Pops hugged Dante, giving him some passing fatherly advince while I nodded to everyone before putting opening my door and putting JJ in his seat in the back.

I said my goodbyes, before putting DJ in the car and getting in with Jackson. We waved goodbye and pulled out. "Thanks for everything.. Jackson. Seriously." I smiled at him.

I nodded my head at him. "No problem." I didn't want to upset him about what I was going to do next, but I knew I should probably call Abigail and see that she got home alright. I was sure she was there by now. Slipping my phone out of my pocket, I speeddialed her and waited for her to answer.

I leaned back, looking back at the boys as Jackson drove and made his phone call.

I hung up the phone tossing it on the dashboard. I'd fucked up and I didn't even know how. This time I didn't get a chance to to tell her I loved her. I had called to see how she was and if she needed anything, because I was sure she was home. But she hadn't been home. She had gone over to the Goomba's house. Does she not KNOW what her being with that man does to me? Does she not KNOW? I know she knows? Jesus, our marriage was practically ruined because she had gone off to Italy with him AGAIN. She's MY wife, isn't she? She shouldn't be going on vacation with other men. But that was in our past, wasn't it? I was trying to put it in our past, but she apparently couldn't. She still had to be with that fucker. I pulled into Dante's driveway, turning off the car engine. "Are we getting pizza now?" JJ asked loudly from the back seat. "Can we each have our own?" I couldn't answer. I was too fucking pissed off. And why did she have to go to his place in the first place? Cavallari isn't anything special. He didn't NEED to be at Dante's trial. We all were. That was what mattered, but she was pissed at him for not going... That would be like her being pissed at me for not going to Martina McBride's daughter's wedding shower. It made no sense whatsoever. I got up out of the car and helped JJ out of the back seat before shutting the door and heading up toward the house.

I winced when Jackson ran off and decided not to ask what's up.. knowing it would be best to let the pistol cool off before grabbing for it. I got DJ out of the back and followed JJ and Jackson inside.