I'm pregnant!

Pregnant. I was pregnant! I had been wanting this for so long it felt surreal. Sure I hadn't been feeling well but I was sure it was my body getting my own hopes up.. but it was true. I was pregnant. The doctor himself confirmed it. I was having Jackson's baby. Our marriage was going to get better. I was sure of it. The second he heard it he was going to forget he didn't want a baby yet... and just be so overjoyed that I wouldn't have to feel bad for tricking this baby out of him.

I stared at myself in the floor length mirror in mine and Jackson's bedroom and ran a hand over my still flat stomach. "Our baby boy or girl." I whispered before I heard the door downstairs open. I hadn't seen Jackson before work. So not only would we have a wonderful homecoming but I'd be able to tell him he was about to be a father! I buried the paper in my dresser and ran downstairs, hitting the last step and jumping in his unexpected arms. "Oh, Jackson! I missed you so terribly! I'm so glad you're home!" I kissed him deeply before pulling back. "I have wonderful news.. I'm.. Jackson.." i stepped down out of his arms grabbing his hand, touching my stomach with it. "I'm pregnant..."

I sat there, staring in front of me, tears blurring my eyes as I stared at the closed front door. I knew he wasn't expecting this, and he hadn't really wanted a baby yet, but I was sure once he actually heard our baby was on his or her way he'd be happy. Even smile, but all he did was blow me off, and disappear into his office. I breathed in heavily, turned and stormed into his office. "How dare you! There was no we in not wanting a baby. There was a you! All I've wanted is a baby! And you refused to give it to me! But God had other plans obviously! But you know what..." I snapped, grabbing his drink, downing it before he could say a word, before tossing his glass at the wall watching it smash. "Since you don't care, I don't either, Jackson. I'll just abort it. Make your world perfect. A world where you can continue to act like a damn child! Where you can continue to act like your single and don't have a care in the world! Fuck a baby that is our DNA.. our love.. fuck it! Since you don't want it fine.. I'll never put my child through the punishment of a father who can't love him!" I turned, walked out of his office, slammed the door shut and walked to the front door to leave.

"Listen to you!" I said, shoving at him. "Blaming me! As if I did this on purpose! Obviously the protection was faulty! How is that my fault! I swear if I didn't love you so much I'd hate you! And you can't stop me from doing what I want with my own body! I refuse to let you make me raise this baby alone! I refuse! You dont want our baby! Admit it! I saw it in your face!" I started crying. "Let me go. This was suppose to be good and now it just hurts! Leave me alone!"

I sniffled, nodding, touching his chest. "I love you.. and I'm sorry I got so upset.. it has to be the hormones. We're having a baby." I leaned up to kiss him. "I love you, Jackson. I know we didn't plan this but our baby is here.. and we're going to be wonderful parents. I know it."

I smiled, hugging him, and wondered why I felt so cold standing here with my own husband. Had this really broke our marriage? No.. it couldn't. We loved each other. Nothing could break that. I turned my head up, starting to kiss him more, wanting to feel his body. I hadn't in weeks. I needed his touch. "I need you.." i whispered. This would make it better. Sex always did.

I just sat there staring, feeling the distance. "Why are you putting so much distance between us, Jackson?" I asked, on the verge of bursting into tears.

"No," I said shaking my head. "You forget I know you. I've always known you.. you're my soulmate Jackson. Of course I know you. And your putting distance. You just turned down sex.. it was obvious that's what I wanted.. and you walked away. Something.." My lip trembled. "is wrong.. are you mad at me?"

"Forget it.. Jackson. Keep that distance. Pretend everything is just a-okay and you aren't treating me like a stranger! I'm going to stay at my mother's.. you know where I am if you actually wanna act like my husband!" I snapped before turning and walking out of the house.