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Bianca P
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PostSubject: Now you can sleep in it   Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:30 pm

We had just laid Tammy down for bed. Despite the tension between them and me, the day was really good. I loved my daughter so much and the longer I spent with her the more I regretted the decisions I had made. Closing the door to her bedroom, I headed toward the couch. I figured, that's where I would be sleeping. I wouldn't make Dante sleep on the couch. I pulled my suit case over and dropped it up on the couch, starting to unzip it. I'd use the bathroom to change in. I was sure Dante didn't want me changing in front of him. I was sure he could barely stand to look at me, let alone see me changing.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:47 pm

"Before you get ready for bed," I whispered, "Can we go out on the balcony and talk?" I didn't really wait for an answer. I more so just walked over, out the door and stood on the balcony. When she came out and shut the door behind her I turned to her, my arms folded over my chest. "Today was nice.. Tammy even seemed to be willing to budge a little and let you in. And I want that for her. I want the family for her. So, I've thought up a plan to make the world and Tammy believe that we are a family. If you're willing to go along with it that is?" I said leaning back against the railing.
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:43 pm

He had a plan. For some reason, I didn't think I was going to like this. I could feel it. Wrapping my arms over my breasts, I rubbed my arms and slowly nodded my head. "All I want is for you two to be happy. So, whatever you have to suggest," I nodded slowly, "I will do it for you two."

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:17 pm

"We pretend to be engaged. Happy. In love. Together. To the entire world. To Tammy. To our friends. To our family. To the audience you constantly got following you. We pretend to all them, all the while, neither of us really being together. Does that make sense? Like you and I are not together. Because I could never be with you again, not after your lies, but we can pretend. For our daughter's sake. For the friends I'm sure who will want to fix it. All of them believe were happy, engaged and in love when in reality we are none of those things because I don't want them. Outside our for daughter. Does that make sense to you?"
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:29 pm

I blinked. I couldn't believe all of what he had just said. But I deserved it. I deserved everything he had just said. Actually, I deserved what I thought he was going to do: take Tammy and leave me. I deserved that. But the engaged part? We're an engaged couple but not a couple. He hadn't asked me to marry him, not really, since we were in high school. Were we just going to jump to that stage of the relationship, even if it was a scam? Nodding my head, I was barely able to whisper, "I understand." Wrapping my arms tighter around myself, I took a step backward, coming up to the glass door. " As long as Tammy is happy, that is all that ever matters. No one will ever know that you don't love me and we're not actually together."

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:34 pm

"I never said I didn't love you. I said I didn't like you. Which I don't. I can't like a woman who lies everyday of her life. Who hides a child away like something she should be ashamed. I can't like a woman who believes my feelings meant so little that she didn't even let me know when we got back together that I was a father. I love you. That's not in question. I wish I couldn't love you. I wish it was as easy as it was yesterday to hate you.. but when I look at our daughter, I see you, the good in you and I just can't hate you." I sighed. "I want to do this, as an engaged couple, because I know if she thinks I like you, enough to marry you, that she'll let you in. There's nothing I want more than for my daughter to be happy and she'll be happier if she lets her anger go and loves you. I know it doesn't make much sense but that's what I want for her. Even above my own happiness." I shrugged. "I'd much rather walk away from you and never look back but that won't make Tammy happy, not in the long run, so, I have no choice."
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:55 pm

I slowly nodded my head. I didn't know if him still loving me and still going through with this arrangement hurt me more or less than the thought of him not being in love with me. How were we supposed to be together and not be together, especially if we're both still in love with each other... But this was what he wanted, and it would be better for Tammy to have both of us together. We should have been together from the beginning, but... All of that was in the past and we had to move forward from where we were. "Alright. I can accept that." I didn't know what would happen after so long when we didn't get married, but I suppose Dante would come up with an answer to that. "Can we go to bed now?" I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I wanted this conversation to be over. He didn't want me anymore, and this was my punishment. I just wanted to accept it and move on.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:04 pm

"Yep." I slid the door open. Let her go through it and walked over to the bed. When she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed I decided to get dressed there for bed. I changed into pajama pants and tossed the rest of my clothes in a pile on the floor. I pulled the covers back and sat down on the bed. When she came out and headed for the couch I let my eyebrow raise. "Why are you sleeping on the couch? I mean.. the bed is big enough for the two of us... So... come on." I said.
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:14 pm

I looked over at him, shaking my head and looking from the couch and back over to him. "Ummm..." I slowly started to move over toward him, hugging myself as I walked. "I guess it's ok. If Tammy were to come out and see us sleeping separately..." But did that mean this is how we'd sleep at home? In the same bed? I didn't know how I'd deal with that. Being so close and yet so far away from him. "If this is what you want..."

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:18 pm

"Yep. The big is huge. I think we could manage keeping our hands to ourselves, don't you?" I laid back, tugging the covers over myself, yawning softly. When she was in the bed, I leaned up and flipped the lamp off. "Goodnight, Bianca." I wasn't sure what else I could say. So I went with the normal night. Everyone says night and there's never any other meaning but night.
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:27 pm

I closed my eyes tightly, pulling the covers up more around me, hugging my pillow to my breast, trying to keep the tears from falling. I was going to be strong. I had to be. "Night," was all I could say. I bit my lip and blinked my eyes a bit before closing them more softly this time. What else was there to say? I could see every conversation not around other people being just as empty as this exchange. It hurt, and I knew it probably never would stop hurting.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:39 pm

I sighed heavily, staring up at the wall. It hurt.. knowing after all this time this is where we were at. Where we ended up. It sucked. Because I had loved her all my life practically. Maybe someday.. somehow, I could forgive her, but for right now, I couldn't. I loved her. God help me I did. But how could I forgive and forget her mistakes? When they were so big?
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:48 pm

I hugged the edge of the bed more, just wishing I could go to sleep. But I wasn't tired. Sighing heavily, I stood, walking over and grabbing my coat and sliding my shoes on. "I am going to go for a walk... Tire myself out. I'll be back." I headed toward the door, wishing this night was just over.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:37 am

I sat up, staring at the door. I wanted to go after her.. but then a part of me, one taking over the other part told me no. She wasn't my concern anymore.. she could do as she pleased. It was her choice. I wasn't her boss. Even if I wanted to be. I laid back, sighing heavily as I stared at the ceiling. I'd never understand women. Not for the life of me.
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:57 am

I took the elevator down to the lobby, walking out and looking around. I was in my nightgown and a coat that barely came down over the bottom of the nightgown. And my shoes... I hadn't even put socks on with them. I looked like a complete mess. At least it was late and not many people were out. I could use a drink... Dante was up with Tammy. I could get away with one... Even if drinking wasn't something I usually did, right now, I was sure it was the only thing that was going to help me get to sleep. Walking into the hotel bar, I sat on a stool and smiled at the bartender as he walked over to me. It was my fake smile, the one I used all the time, but no one but those closest to me, A, C, Freddie... and Dante, knew that it was what it was. "Cosmo..." I started to say before changing my mind. "No... Something stronger." Sighing, I slumped my shoulders forward. "Just hit me with your best shot!"




A while later, I took the elevator back up to the room, stopping at the door. I started to search my pockets for... "Fuck!" I grumbled. I didn't usually curse, not that badly anyway, and I didn't drink usually either... I realized, I hadn't brought a key with me... I had just left earlier... and now I'd have to wake Dante up. I just hoped I didn't wake Tammy up as well. I didn't know how deep of a sleeper she was. Lifting my hand, I winced as I lightly tapped at the door.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:12 am

I twisted and looked at the closed door when I thought I heard a knock. I was sleeping.. I couldn't be sure what I heard was what I heard. But then I heard it again. I sat up, shoving the covers back, stretching before rubbing my eyes. I walked over, slowly opening the door. "Bianca?" I asked, stepping aside. "Where have you been? What time is it?" She smelled like alcohol.. but there was no way. Lily never drank.
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:20 am

I pushed past him, shrugging my shoulder, whispering heavily. "Who knows. I don't even know what time it was when I left." I kicked off my shoes and tossed my coat on the couch. I didn't usually just toss things any place. I like to put things away, but right now I didn't care. "Back to bed?" I walked over to the bed and crawled back under the covers. I should be able to sleep now.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:39 am

I watched the way she stumbled. It was very slight but she did. "I can't believe you ran off and got drunk. On the first night we get our daughter back. That's your priority. Wonderful!" I walked over, crawling in the bed and tugging the covers up. "You smell like a bar."
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:50 am

I sat up, staring down at him, still whispering heavily. "Well, would you LIKE me to go take a shower? I'm sure it would be HILARIOUS if I were to fall asleep in there, right? Since it's serving it's purpose and making me tired enough to sleep, considering there was no WAY that was happening earlier."

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:55 am

"Sure go right ahead!" I had to laugh cause seriously. "Go right on in and fall asleep in the shower. That's not my issue! That would your issue." I laughed again, staring up at her. "God, you're drunker then a skunk!"
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:01 am

"I'll have you know, MISTER!" I poked at his chest with my finger. "I'm not so very drunk! And skunks are stinky! And it's not me that stinks. It's the alcohol. So THERE!" I poked him in the chest again for measure.

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:16 am

I laughed as I grabbed her hand. "Stop poking me, woman! And it's you who smells as bad as a bar. The bottle of booze is not laying next to me in bed. That's you. You're the one who stinks. And you're pretty drunk cause you're poking me woman!" I laughed again. She was cracking me up!
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:21 am

"Don't you laugh at me, MISTER MVP. MISTER I can run a touch down better than any NFL baller!" I glared down at his hand. "Don't you be clutching on me, MISTER!" His hand almost burnt mine as he held it, but I wasn't going to let that get to me. I was a rock!

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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:20 pm

I let her hand go, laughing as I sat up. "You are drunk as hell. Go take a hot shower. I'll make you something fatty to eat, or go get you something, actually, that way you can get some grease in your system and be less... eh.. drunk." I laughed, pushing the covers back. "I can't believe you, Lily..." I realized what I had called her and changed it. "Bianca of all people got drunk!"
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PostSubject: Re: Now you can sleep in it   Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:24 pm

I glared at him, calling me Lily. He shouldn't be calling me that. I'm not his Lily. Not anymore. "Thanks for correcting yourself," I said, standing up and out of the bed, grabbing onto the nightstand so I didn't fall on my ass. "I'm not your Lily anymore. I lost that right LONG time ago and you shouldn't be calling me that!" I turned and headed toward the bathroom, tripping on one of my shoes and falling forward fast on my face. "Funkybuttlovin!"

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