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PostSubject: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeWed Nov 23, 2011 4:19 pm

I pulled her into my arms after opening her door once we'd parked in the carport despite her telling me she didn't need to be carried. Well, I was going to do it anyway. I could deal with her complaining. It wasn't bad, and I just told her, "The doctor said relax. I'm just facilitating your relaxation."

Taking her into the house, I laid her down on our bed and curled up beside her. "Are you hungry? I can find something in the kitchen? Or I can order something? Anything you'd like?" I wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. "Did you want to watch TV? Anything?" The fight we had had yesterday was still fresh in my mind and her texts still haunted my mind.

She didn't have any idea where her ring was... And she couldn't remember anything for more than 48 hours now... I didn't know if I should feel bad for being thankful for that or not. If she really was planning on leaving me, really leaving, and now she couldn't remember that... Was it really bad for me to be grateful for that?
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeWed Nov 23, 2011 8:39 pm

I still felt funny.. losing almost two days of memory. I mean who wouldn't? Who wouldn't feel strange knowing they missed two days of their lives and had NO clue what happened. Jackson wasn't with me. He had no idea what happened to me, before he found me in the car, anymore than I did. And that scared me.. but being here with him.. I felt better. Especially when he started asking me normal questions.. like what I wanted to eat. Like it was okay.. that helped.

I wanted to pretend the doctor hadn't told me he wasn't sure why I was out of it. He said if any drugs were in my system they were undetectable. Which he said was normal for the gateway drug.. and that scared me. I was either losing my damn mind.. or someone gave me a drug. Either way.. "Food would be nice." I finally got out as I looked over at him on the bed, slowly sitting up.

"I want Chinese. Sweet and sour chicken sounds good.. if you don't mind?" I shrugged and glanced over at the TV in our room. "TV would be nice." I wasn't much for doing anything else. Normally I'd want to do things myself.. but I felt like I did the day after my rape.. lost.. confused and just angry about things I couldn't change.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeWed Nov 23, 2011 8:58 pm

I stood, walking over and getting the remote, handing it back to her, sitting back right beside her on the bed. "You find something you want to watch and I will order our food. Just relax. Don't think about anything but whatever comedy or chick flick you find on tv. I'll be fine with anything you want to watch." I leaned over, kissing her softly on the side of her mouth. "I love you, baby," I barely murmured, before whispering, "always and forever."
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeWed Nov 23, 2011 9:30 pm

"Okay," I started flipping through the channels, but nothing seemed the least bit interesting. Honestly I sorta just wanted to sleep.. but.. at the same time I was sure I had done enough of that. I stiffened only slightly when he pressed a kiss to the side of my lips. It wasn't him.. it was just how I was feeling in general. I smiled over at him the best I could. "I love you too." I leaned my head on his shoulder, still flipping through the channels. "Always and forever." I settled on some TV show about nanny's and tossed the remote aside. "Oh, make sure to get me an extra egg roll please." I said with a soft smile.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeWed Nov 23, 2011 10:47 pm

"Anything for you, baby," I told her, smiling at her, even though I knew she still wasn't feeling herself. I wanted my Abby back. I wanted my Abby back from before the Santo shit. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't force her to be who she wasn't anymore. I knew she had been trying to be herself, so I couldn't be upset that she wasn't when I knew she had tried.

I stood and walked out to the kitchen to open the phone book. I looked down through the Chinese restaurants, finding our favorite and dialing the number on my phone. I ordered our food and then put the book away. Turning back to the bedroom, I stopped, my eyes bulging out of my head.

Maybe Foster didn't do this... Maybe this was... I shook my head. There's no way it could have been Castellano. I hadn't even gone into his house. I had sat parked outside for hours, but I didn't go in... But what if he knew I had been there? What if it really didn't have anything to do with me being there? What if...

This was his way of telling me that I can't get out. I had known that when I went to him in the first place, but I was sure I could handle shit. I was sure my life was over and that Abigail didn't want me anymore, so what the fuck did I care if I couldn't get out. But I had gotten out... Or at least I thought I was, and now he was trying to tell me that that wasn't a possibility.

Taking a deep breath, I walked back into the bedroom, smiling, even though I didn't feel it. "Food will be here in about a half an hour." Sitting down on the bed beside her, I leaned against the headboard and wrapped my arm around her. "Couldn't find anything better?" I asked, trying not to sound as out of whack as I felt. I just wanted things to be ok. I'd call Pops later and ask him to come over so we could talk after Abigail went to sleep, but for right now, I just wanted to spend my time with Abigail and pretend like our world wasn't crashing at my feet.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 12:59 am

I sat silently staring at the screen as the nanny blabbed on about parents setting boundaries as Jackson was in the other room. I wasn't sure what the hell they were thinking halfway through when he came back in because my mind had drifted off somewhere else. I barely even felt him sit on the bed. His voice knocked me into the present and I looked over at him. "No.." His face looked different. More upset than before he walked out. "Are you okay? You look upset.. is something bothering you?"
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 1:13 am

I took a deep breath. i didn't want to tell her about where I had been last night when she called, but I could tell her what I was thinking... leaving that little bit out. "I uh..." I took a deep breath. I know I blamed Foster for this," I turned to face her, shaking my head, "and I'm not saying I wouldn't put something like this past him, but," I nodded my head, continuing pensively, "I am pretty sure I know who did this and why." I took a deep breath, picking up her hand, her left hand, the one that should be wearing her wedding ring. Bringing it up to my lips, I kissed the naked spot, closing my eyes and turning my face to let my cheek rest on her hand as I held it. "I'm sure it was Castellano who did this to you, baby, and I'm so terribly sorry." I opened my eyes and lifted my head, looking straight at her. "I left. I stopped doing shit for him and he promised me if I ever tried anything like that, he'd ..." I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, baby. This is all my fault. This happened to you because of me. I'm so sorry."
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 2:04 am

"Jackson, stop," I said, flipping the TV off, and scooting closer to him, taking his face in my hands. "What happened is not your fault. That was all Tony if that is what happened. He's the evil bastard. Not you.. okay?" I wrapped my arms around him, getting on my knees some next to him and hugging his neck. I kissed the side of his head. "I love you and I don't blame you for the things that happened." Even if I couldn't remember them. "Even if it was Antonio. It's not your fault." It was mine actually for leaving the damn house in the first place.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 2:20 am

I stepped up off the bed, shaking my head. I couldn't keep it to myself. I had to tell her. Even if I couldn't look at her right now, I had to tell her. Shoving my hands in my pocket, I stared out the window where I had stopped. "I went there last night." I realized how that sounded and tried to correct myself quickly. "I mean..." Sighing, I hung my head. "After the miserable night I had... thinking I had lost you... and finding out my family has replaced me with some fucking Goomba..." I shook my head, looking back out the window, "I just wanted all the pain to go away again. And I knew the only place I could find that was... I knew the only place I could get what I needed was Castellano." I finally turned back to face her. "But I didn't go in. I sat in the 'Stang for hours, down the block from his gate, but I didn't go in!"
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 2:37 am

I just sat there staring at him. I wasn't sure what to say. When he pulled out of my hug and practically ran away.. I thought I had done something wrong.. but really it was his own guilt getting the best of him.. and he had to be honest. I found myself sliding further away, on the other end of the bed the more he spoke. I was so disappointed, not even for myself, but for him.. for him being so lost.. that he thought drugs and Tony was his only way out. "I don't wanna talk about this.. not when it makes me so angry I could beat you. How could you be so stupid! I was angry.. I left angry from what you said.. is that how it's going to be from now on? Anytime I'm mad and need time away you'll run off to Tony and destroy yourself? I can't live with a drug addict! I told you this!" I sighed heavily, rubbing my face. "Let's not talk.. let's just watch TV." I said, turning my back to him and flipping the TV on.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 2:47 am

I walked over to the TV and shook my head at her after turning it of. "No! I am NOT an addict! But Jesus, Abigail! I thought you left me! I got those texts from you." I pulled out my phone, opening the text log and handing her the damned phone. "You said you were leaving me. Without you, you know I have nothing. And without you, I really would have nothing, especially now since my family has gone and replaced me with a fucking Pasta Head!" Kneeling down in front of her, I took her hands in mine, burying my face in her lap. "I didn't go in, baby! I couldn't. I knew you would be disappointed in me, even if you didn't want me anymore. And I couldn't do that to you, no matter how much I wanted to end the pain."
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 3:02 am

I wasn't sure who Pasta Head was or how he was replacing Jackson so I decided to let that go and go back to his issue at hand. "Jackson, normal people, do not go and try to destroy themselves because someone dumps them. Those texts are awful.. and I admit I can see why you were upset.. but drink.. or sleep it off.. or cry... or something.." I hated saying drink but I'd take that over drugs any day. "But don't do drugs!" I pulled my hands back, pushing his head up and pulling my legs back away from him. "I don't want to cuddle or for you to beg for forgiveness.. I gave you a chance and you blew it again.. but I know this argument will only send you right back to that bastard's house so I guess I'm forced to fake smile and pretend I'm fine." I over forced a smile, trying to prove what I had just said. "It's all good Jackson! NO problems here! No need to coke up!"
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 3:10 am

"I didn't!" I almost screamed up at her, the tears stinging my eyes. "I didn't go to him. Yes, I went there, but I didn't go in! You... YOU were the one who kept me from going in. Not your call to come get you, but YOU! Knowing what you said kept me from going in! I didn't do it, Abigail! I didn't! I knew you wouldn't have wanted me to. I'm sorry I even tempted myself by going over there, but I didn't do it! I'm sorry! Don't patronize me and say everything is ok, when I know it's not! I know you're mad at me! I know you're angry. Pissed off! I know you're hurt! And I'm sorry! But I didn't do it! I knew you didn't want me to do it and I didn't! Please, at least see the merit in that, baby!"
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 6:17 pm

"I can see that you didn't go IN, but you went there, you sat outside his house! I'm sure he knew you were there... I mean.. he's some big bad mobster, right? Like your father is, right? I'm sure your dad would have known. I'm sure Tony knew. You showed your weak and now you gave him even more excuse to come after me, us, our family! All because your so damn weak!" I slid down off the bed. "I can't stay here. Not when I know what your always going to set yourself up for! You're always going to run to the mob, to danger, and to drugs!" I grabbed my shoes, slipping them on.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 6:38 pm

I looked up at her from where I was now sitting on my feet on the floor. "No..." I was barely able to choke out. "No, baby," after I'd gotten a hold of my self, "please." I used the bed to help me stand up, going over to her, taking her by her arms and holding her to face me. "I will protect us! Pops will protect us! He's a good man, Abigail! You know this! He loves you, just like his own daughter! He won't let anything happen to us. I won't let anything happen to you! I swear it!" Placing my hand on her stomach, I looked her deep in the eyes, "I swear by our son! I will protect you!" Shaking my head resolutely, I told her firmly, "I am never going to fall again! I am never going to use cocaine ever again!" I had made the promise to never use it to my Auntie Nelly, and I should have been more firm then, but there was nothing I meant more than I meant this. Well, I meant this as much as I did that I loved her, that no one else came above her.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 6:47 pm

I closed my eyes, tears clouding behind my closed lids as I felt his hand on my stomach. I was always trying to find a reason to run.. yes, this was good enough reason, yes, I know that.. but why was I always trying to run? Why was I so scared of being happy. I placed my hand on his on my stomach, opening my eyes to look up at him, a tear rolling down my cheek. "She, you swear by our daughter." I cracked a half smile, moving my arms to wrap around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. "I hate when we fight...." I closed my eyes, hugging his neck tighter. "No more Tony. No more drugs. Ever. I swear I'll leave next time.."
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 7:01 pm

I smiled, thanking God above that she was in my arms and not packing a bag. I kissed the side of her head, breathing her deeply in to me. "I swear by our son that I will never go back to the drugs or go crawling back to Tony! I swear it to you!" I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving me. I had to be strong. For her. For our son.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 7:49 pm

"Daughter. By our daughter." I said, looking up at him and smiling. "She's a girl. You're going to give her complex if you keep calling her a boy.." I leaned up to kiss him and heard the front door. "That must be our food." I said, looking back at our bedroom door. "I trust you to be strong.. go ahead and get the food." I gave him another kiss and pulled away, crawling up on the bed and kicking my shoes off. It took everything in me not to run but I was trying.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:00 pm

I sighed, not wanting to leave her and left the room. Heading to the front door, I opened it and sure enough, there stood the delivery person holding a bag up. "Your total is $24.74." I took my wallet out of my pocket and pulled out a twenty and a ten, handing it to her. "Keep the change," I told her, letting it go for the tip, even though it was probably closer to 25% than 15. I didn't mind. Taking the food from her, I nodded. "Thank you." I shut the door and headed back to the bedroom. "Straight out of the cartons, right? Or would you like me to go get some plates or something?" I sat the bag on the bed and reached in to pull out her carton, handing it to her.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:15 pm

"This is fine, thanks." I told him, tucking my legs under me and opening the carton. The smell was wonderful, it made my tummy turn just a little, but I knew I could handle it. I didn't puke often these days, not like in the beginning. But still I could handle it. "I'm going to get drinks and some forks." I kissed his head and stood. "Don't worry I can handle getting drinks and a fork.. it won't kill me." I walked over, getting him and myself each a bottle of water and some forks. I came back in the bedroom, handed him his stuff and sat back on the bed. I flipped the TV back on and looked for something as I stuffed a piece of chicken in my mouth and chewed it up.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:20 pm

I sat back beside her after pulling out my food and opening it. I looked over at her, taking a deep breath. "Thank you, baby," I spoke silently. "Thank you for being as perfect as you are. I know I'm not an easy man to live with, but I love you. More than anything and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I hope you know that." I leaned over, kissing her cheek softly, looking into her eyes. I hoped she really did know that, but I'd tell her as many times as it would take.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:36 pm

I set my food down and turned to face him better, kissing him on the lips softly. "No need to thank me." I leaned up, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Loving you and having you love me back is enough thanks for me. You're perfect.. you have your weaknesses.. as we all do and you make mistakes like we all do but you're just as perfect as me." I smiled, giving him another kiss before grabbing my food.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:48 pm

I wasn't perfect in any way. I wasn't good enough for her. I knew that. I knew she deserved someone far better than me, but there was no way I could ever let her go. I knew I could make her happy and I would do anything to make her happy. I snuggled down more on the bed beside her, taking a large heaping helping on my fork and putting it in my mouth. "We could watch ESPN or something," I suggested with my mouth full. I know she didn't like sports much, but maybe she'd make an exception this once.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 8:56 pm

I smiled back at him, curling up next to him, and flipping the channel to ESPN. "We can." I gave him a kiss and let my head lean against his chest as I took a bite of my food. "What is this.. a sports news type program?" I asked, before taking another bite. I didn't like sports but just this once I could make my husband happy.
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PostSubject: Re: Rest. Doctors orders   Rest. Doctors orders Icon_minitimeThu Nov 24, 2011 9:01 pm

I chuckled, leaning over and kissing the top of her head. "It's more like sports highlights. All the football games throughout the week, college and NFL. I prefer the show more during basketball season, but gotta stay up with football too."
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