I need you, baby

I parked the car on the curb in front of the beach house that looked like it could use a few coats of paint. It could probably use some serious work inside as well, or at least that's what Abigail and I always joked about whenever we came here. I walked around the side of the house and down to the secluded part of the beach where Abigail and I always came. There she was, glistening in the spring sun. She was beautiful. A sight for my sore eyes. Coming up behind her, I crouched down behind her, covering her eyes and breathing heavily against her ear as I asked, "Guess who?"

I knew the second I felt too tired to drive around with the cab man anymore that I'd go to the beach. And we did. I went to mine and Jackson's favorite spot with ice cream in hand and slid down to sit. It wasn't easy, but I managed to do it, and watched the water for a while before my phone went off, signaling a text. When it was Jackson I let out a sigh and texted him back. I still felt sad.. but I wasn't going to hide from him, so when he asked where I was, I was honest. I sat there for a little longer before I felt hands on my face. "Mmmm, I know those hands anywhere. Jackson Frost." I said, turning and looking at him. "What did you need?" I wasn't even going to mention I was upset. It was silly to begin with. No reason to fight over it. I'd keep my feelings hid if it meant no fighting.

I sat down beside her, facing her, not the water. I wasn't going to hide the fact that I was upset, but I wasn't going to keep why from her. "We need to fix this before things get bad again. But before I say anything else, I just want to tell you I'm sorry." I bent my knees and propped my arms up on them, grabbing one wrist between them. "I fucked up, like usual, and I'm sorry for it. I just want you to know that, and that I love you, more than I could ever possibly love anyone else. You are important to me, more than anyone. I thought when you told me to stay with Dante that that was what you wanted, but I was so wrapped up in what your father had asked me to do, putting myself in Dante's shoes to even realize that I should be thinking about you first, and not how I would feel if we were in their shoes. I'm sorry, Abigail, but I could never stay away from a court room if you needed me. I'm sorry, but I couldn't. I don't know how I'm supposed to ask that of my brother."

I shook my head, sighing heavily. "But that's not even why I'm here. I mean it is, but it's so much more than that." I reached out, taking her hand in mine. "You told me you were going home," I said softly, shaking my head again, "but you didn't go home. You went over to the goo- to Cavallari's place. Was that a lie? Did you tell me to stay with Dante so you could go be with him? I know you said you went to yell at him, but was that code? Did you say that in hopes that it would make me feel better about you going over there in the first place? And why couldn't you just tell me that that was where you were going? Why did you tell me to stay with Dante and go straight over to Cavallari's, when you know he's my ultimate nemesis? Abigail, he's worse than Lex Luthor! He's the fucking behemoth Doomsday! He's going to tear us apart, and that's going to be the death of me. Why can't you see that?"

Yes, I knew I was a bit over dramatic, but it was honestly how I felt. If we weren't together anymore, there was no reason for me to live. I couldn't fight the Roman God if I tried. He had my wife, my brother, and the rest of my family under his spell. There was nothing I could do but what I was here doing with my wife. Pleading with her. "Seriously, Abigail! I can't fight him. Everyone in my life worships the ground he walks on. I'm not anywhere near as perfect as him and I can't even pretend to be. But I can't live without you. If you want to be with him, I can't stop you, but I won't give you up either." I couldn't believe what I was telling her. I was saying I was willing to share her. It was better than giving her up. Giving her up was something I could never do, and I never would, even if she needed that limp noodle.

How did he even know what was wrong with me? I hadn't even said a word. Did he seriously know me so well he could read my mind... unless Jeff told him.. but I was sure Jackson would rather toss himself in a pit of hungry cougars then speak to Jeff, so I know it wasn't that.. So that left option A, he read my mind. I wanted to say something about Dante and Bianca's situation and found I couldn't say anything so I didn't, instead I let him finish what he was saying and listened.

I watched him take my hand and let my hand with the cup of ice cream rest in my lap as I watched him closely. I listened to everything he had to say and then took a deep breath. "Jackson, first off, I was going home. And then it hit me that Jeff wasn't there for our friends. I didn't lie to you. I was honest. Yes, it's my fault for not telling you my change of plans.. but I didn't think it was against the rules." To be honest I didn't like the idea of my husband setting rules for me, but left it be. "Jackson if I wanted to be with Jeff, I'd be with him. But I don't want him. Period. I want you. Only you. I was there for Jeff as a friend. Nothing more or less. Just his friend. That's all. I didn't realize i wasn't allowed to be his friend..." I sighed, kissing his knuckles.

"You don't have to fight with Jeff, because you have all of me, completely. Jeff doesn't compare to you.. he never has. And I hate hurting him but he's not you. He's not the man I want or love. That's you. And I don't want you to share. And you don't have to give me up. I swear all I want is you. Can't you just believe that?" I sighed, brushing a tear away. "Unless you don't want me because you want her.. and your just trying to shove me off on Jeff.." I looked at him. "If you want her, you can have her. But unlike you I'm too selfish to share and never will. Not ever.." I swallowed.

"Her?" I shook my head, not for a moment understanding who she was talking about. "Abigail, there's no one I could ever want the way I want you. The moment I fell in love with you, I knew I didn't anyone but you." But then I realized she must be speaking about the viper that was Ava. Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed her finger tips softly. "I know I fucked up, and I know I don't deserve you, Abigail, but you're all I got. You and our beautiful children. You're all I need. But I can't compete with Jeff. You say I'm all you want, but you know I hate him and yet you still go to him..." I sighed, dropping my head. "I'm not setting rules for you, but I ..." this was so hard for me to admit, but I felt like I was losing her. "I know I'm nowhere near as perfect of a man as Cavallari is. I am jealous of him and the way everyone always kisses the ground he walks on." I looked up her. "That was me before he dropped out of the sky. But from the moment he rolled in, I wasn't top dog anymore. I can't compete with that."

"Oh, Jackson.." I whispered, scooting closer to him, setting my ice cream aside and forgetting about it. I held his face and smiled at him. "You're the only man I want. You're the best, most perfect man to ever exist. Nothing and no one will ever come close. You're all I want.. sometimes we get broken and I forget that... but you're all I want. Forever and always. You have no reason to be jealous of Jeff, you're my top dog. And if my seeing you bothers him I'll stop okay? I won't see him anymore." That hurt me more than he'd ever imagine. Jeff was my friend and he was drowning but I'd do it for Jackson. I swallowed hard, sighing. "I'll have Dante check on him instead.. I won't see him ever again.. okay? I'll stop seeing him for you. Because you're my top dog. And my only one I want.."

I looked up at her, tears stinging at my eyes. "I can't ask that of you. No matter how much I hate him and no matter how jealous I am of the time you spend with him, it's not right for me to ask you to stop seeing him. In a perfect world he wouldn't exist, so you wouldn't have to not see him. But as much as I would love to ask that of you, I can't. It's not fair to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my insecurities." I was. I was sorry I had them, but I was sorry they had reared their ugly head. I guess I was human after all. Superman was nothing but a man.

I moved closer and leaned so my body was pressing on his and hugged his waist. "Don't be sorry.. I love you, Jackson and I want to do this for you." I closed my eyes and held him. "It's only fair.."

I held her against me, whispering into her hair. "It's not though. I have no right to be selfish with you... Not when you're not with me."

"I'm selfish enough with you that if i ever saw that bitch around you again I might murder her... I can understand the way it feels and I don't want you to feel that way.. or to worry. Because I'd never sleep with Jeff. Not ever again... and I wouldn't want you to think that for a second." I kissed his lips. "I love you and you aren't asking me to stay away.. I'm choosing to do it because my marriage means more.. and I care very deeply for Jeff, and always will, and wish him the best, but I love you more."

I sighed, looking up at her. "But we're not even married anymore. We're divorced, remember?" Then it hit me. "Let's go. Let's go, right now. Not even think about it. Just pack up and go. Hawaii. We can be married in twelve hours tops. Let's go."

I felt my lip tremble and tears blur my eyes. "Really?"

I nodded my head, sure it was going to fall off. "Yes. Let's go. Now. Let's just go."

"Okay.. okay... let's go." I felt bad for doing this now when so many bad things were happening.. but at the same time it just felt right.

I took her hands, standing and slowly pulling her to a stand with me. "I'll call Pops on the way back to the house so he can get the jet ready for us as we pack." I placed my hands on her face and kissed her deeply.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back as deeply before pulling back. "Let's go." I took his hand and walked with him back toward where he parked the stang'.